Part Four: Holding the Rock ​
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​"The only person that can satisfy the aching abyss of the human heart is Jesus Christ." — Oswald Chambers
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We are two different people that come from two different backgrounds … so of course our expectations of what being married looks like are different. The way you were raised and the way you saw (or didn’t see) your Dad and Mom interacting all tell a tale of how you see marriage. No two marriages are alike so we feel pretty safe in saying that the way that your spouse saw (or, again, didn’t see) marriage was completely different from your experience.
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What were your expectations coming into marriage? Husband, did you think that your wife would do the dishes, the laundry, and have dinner on the table at 6:00 pm every night when you got home from work? Wife, did you think that your husband would be completely cool with the both of you working and potentially even with you making more money than him? Did you, husband, think you would be having sex three times a week no matter what? Did you, wife, think that your husband would be the sole breadwinner and would stay home on the weekends to spend time with you instead of going golfing with his buddies?
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Having expectations is normal. The big problem is that the majority of these expectations come into your marriage completely unsaid. We just assume that our partner had the same experience we did so “it just goes without saying.” But it doesn’t. It doesn’t go without saying. It has to be said.​
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“Expectations are premeditated resentments.” -Alisa Keeton
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Yikes! Think of your expectations like a box of rocks. Your spouse is holding a container, and for every expectation that you bring into your marriage that you don’t talk about, you just reach into your box and hand over a giant rock to them.
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One rock, that’s not so bad. A couple of rocks, okay, they can probably handle that. But as each unsaid expectation gets unpacked, the container just gets heavier and heavier.

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You can see where this is going. Your spouse might be able to hold this container for hours, days, weeks, months, and maybe even years. But inevitably, eventually that container is going to get so heavy that they can’t hold it anymore. When they drop it, that container holding all your expectations is going to shatter all over the place.
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And when that happens, how do you pick up the pieces?

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Unsaid expectations become unmet expectations. And unmet expectations just leave your spouse holding a rock they were never meant to carry.

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Communication is one of the keys to a great marriage. Communicate early and often about everything. It’s the better way.